Trust
by svurolivia
Summary: Multi-chapter fic set right after Gambler's Fallacy. Rolivia will start off as friends, Slow Burn. T for now might move to M later on.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia walked out of the precinct after reprimanding Amanda for her behavior while undercover with the illegal gambling club. It frustrated her that her detective was always getting herself into trouble. Why couldn't Amanda just play by the rules? Why did she always have to go against everything Olivia asked her to do? The blond was bright and a good detective, but she could not keep herself out of trouble. Her reckless behavior was her biggest downfall and would get her hurt one day.

Amanda was sitting at home with her dog Frannie, upset over what had happened with Olivia. Since she arrived from Atlanta, all she wanted to was impress her and instead all she ever did was disappoint her. Olivia said she didn't trust her, but how can she trust someone she never even spent any time trying to get to know. The detective was having a rough night. Plagued with thoughts she would rather forget and trying not to gamble, or smoke, or drink like she wanted to. Amanda decided to take her dog for a nice long walk hoping that it would provide a distraction for a while. She got Frannie's leash on and started walking, not having a plan for where she was going, just knowing she did not want to feel trapped in her apartment by herself.

Somehow, she found herself in her sergeant's neighborhood right by her apartment building. Amanda only figured this out after bumping into the brunette who was about to enter her apartment building. Olivia took one look at the tear marks on her subordinate's face and asked, "What's wrong Amanda, what are you doing here". taking in how red her face was from the cold "You're freezing, why don't you and Frannie come upstairs with me and warm up?"

"Don't pretend you actually care about me Liv, I'm fine, I don't need to come up to your apartment. You made it perfectly clear what you thought of me earlier in your office and I don't need to spend any extra time with you." Amanda replied. She went to walk away from her, but Olivia grabbed her arm turning the younger woman around, so they were facing each other.

"If you're fine than what are you doing out in the cold like this."

"I wanted to gamble, I thought taking a walk might help with those urges."

"Why don't you come up Rollins, something is bothering you and I'm sorry about earlier I shouldn't have said I didn't trust you."

Amanda started to get angry "You didn't give a shit about me before Olivia, why are you pretending to now?"

"Just come upstairs Amanda I care about you. I just haven't been great at showing it."

Amanda didn't want to spend the rest of her night getting told off by her boss, but she was cold, and it would be good to get herself and her dog out of the cold for a while. "Fine. I'll come up for a minute"

They took the elevator up to Liv's apartment not talking the whole time. The only sound was Frannie sniffing around the elevator since it was something she was not used to. Olivia opened the door and looked for a bowl to get the dog water.

"Where's Cassidy?" Amanda asked

"He won't be home tonight," said Liv as she filled the bowl with water and placed it on the floor for Frannie whose tail was wagging. "I think I owe you an explanation and an apology, I never meant for you to shut you out like that, when you showed up from Atlanta I wasn't in a good place. Elliot left without a word and I scared of letting anyone in. I didn't realize though how you felt or that I treated you badly and I apologize."

"You never took me seriously always dismissing my ideas and theories when it came to cases, it hurt, I looked up to you and all you did was shut me out,"

"I'm sorry Amanda, I never meant to upset you that way and I would like to get to know you. Maybe the two of us can talk. You don't have to tell me, but if you wanted to talk about the gambling, you can. You were doing so well Amanda what happened?"

Amanda sat down on the couch looking at her shoes not wanting to make eye contact, she took a deep breath and started talking I was doing really well. I thought I was on the other side of my addiction and then Lewis happened, and I felt so guilty about it" Amanda had started to cry "It's my fault, if I hadn't pushed so hard about Lewis that would have never happened to you and-"

Olivia cuts her off sitting down next to her, putting a hand around her shoulders and making a soothing noise "That wasn't your fault Amanda its Lewis'. You were doing your job and for the record I don't blame you at all. If he hadn't done it to me then he would have to someone else."

Amanda takes another deep breath trying to get her tears under control not quite believing what Liv said and continues "That kind of messed me up and when everything that happened with Lena and Nate and Nick going undercover at my meeting. I was so humiliated, and I couldn't go back there and so after the trial and I gambled, and I couldn't stop. I went to that illegal gambling club and saw one of our vics there. She was working as a waitress and she told Murphy who I was."

"How did you get involved with doing jobs with them?"

"Murphy brought me back to a room, him and another guy pulled out guns, they ripped my shirt off, unbuttoned my pants," Amanda looks up at Olivia and in a choked voice said "I thought they were going to rape me, so I agreed to help them. I wouldn't do most of it though and that's when Murphy suggested there was something else I could do, and he cleared the room and made me get down on my knees and that's when he told me he was a cop. After that I did everything they asked, but I swear I didn't know that woman was going to be raped. I never would have let that happen if I had known," Amanda stops talking and looks down again, not telling Olivia the main reason she gambles and the reason she even started to.

"I'm sorry Amanda. I'm sorry you were having such a rough time and that none of us noticed," she places an arm around her shoulders and squeezes in a reassuring gesture, before standing up "Are you hungry? I can order some food and we can talk more over dinner,"

Amanda agrees, and Olivia ordered Chinese food for them both and before and after it came they sat together and talked giving details about their lives. Olivia hadn't realized that it was getting late in fact it was almost midnight and invited Amanda to stay the night not wanting her to walk home by herself this late at night. "Why don't you stay here tonight? Brian won't be home and I can let you borrow a pair of pajamas. It's late and I don't want you walking home"

Amanda takes a minute to think about it before agreeing and Olivia walked out of the living into her bedroom and looked for a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that looked like they would fit the blonde. She walked into the bathroom and looked for a spare toothbrush before walking back out to the living room and handing Amanda the pile telling her she can change in the bathroom. The brunette went about making up the couch for Amanda to sleep on finding a spare pillow and blanket in the closet, she even finds one to put onto the floor for Frannie to lie on during the night. The two detectives said goodnight and Olivia walked into her bedroom and got herself ready for bed.

Olivia wakes up to someone yelling no and the first thing she does is reach for her gun. Her mind flashing to William Lewis before realizing it's the voice of the blonde detective asleep on her couch. She walks into the living room and sees Amanda thrashing around like she's fighting someone, trying to fend someone off. Liv walks over calling her name but makes the mistake of grabbing one of Amanda's wrists as it thrashes through the air and the blonde starts fight begging someone to stop saying the name Patton over and over again.


	2. Chapter 2

Amanda wakens suddenly her skin soaked with sweat, breathing heavily and for a minute looking like she does not nowhere she is. Olivia calls her name softly telling her she's okay, being careful not to touch her, not wanting to startle her again. Frannie is next to her whining and rubbing her nose against Amanda's leg. Her blonde hair disheveled and her crystal blue eyes were wide with fear.

"I'm ok, I'm ok, it was just a nightmare" Amanda said out of breath sitting up on the couch rubbing her dog's head in an attempt to sooth the animal and herself, Frannie's soft tan fur is helping to calm her down. She is refusing to make eye contact with Liv not wanting her to see the pain in her eyes.

Olivia is worried though. She's been with SVU long enough to realize what a nightmare like that means and then she remembers a conversation she had with Amanda a couple of years ago. How Amanda had mentioned that something happened in Atlanta, how she tried to connect with Olivia who had just shared the facts or her own assault. The brunette had blown her off though, didn't get her to open up even though she had a feeling that Rollins was trying to forge a connection. Olivia takes a chance and asks in a soothing tone of voice "Amanda whose Patton, you kept yelling his name and asking him to stop"

Amanda's face pales, going as white as a ghost at the mention of that name, the name of the man that has haunted her nights for years, a name she never wanted to hear again. She looks at Olivia's face which looks so reassuring and comforting, she can tell that the brunette is desperate to comfort her, but does not want to scare her and make her uncomfortable and for the first time in 4 years she can tell someone this secret she's kept inside for so long and so Amanda lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes trying to will this conversation not to happen "I don't want to talk about him." As much as she wants to tell someone, the blonde can't. She can't stand to see the look on her Sergeant's face when the detective tells her this.

"Amanda not talking about it isn't working."

"He's the man who raped me," Amanda said her voice hoarse and tense, she chances a glance at Olivia's face and sees the sadness that washes over the older woman's face. "I'm not a victim don't treat me like one. You don't know the whole story. If you did, you would know it was all my fault."

"So, tell me the whole story, and I don't care what happened. No matter what you tell me I am never going to blame you for your own assault."

Amanda gets up from the couch and paces knowing she can't sit still while telling this story. "Patton took me under his wing, I was his protégé and then Kim got into trouble. He told me that if I slept with him, it would all go away, and I agreed. I met him there, and he moved too fast and I said no, and he got rough with me. Hitting, biting, he slammed my head up against the headboard and I started bleeding. He told me he didn't take no for an answer, pinned my arms above my head, told me I wasn't going anywhere and that no one would believe me, anyway. So, I let him do it. I gave up, I didn't even try to fight him off. See it's my fault, I put myself in a bad situation and I paid the consequences."

"Amanda did you say no?"

"Yes, but -"

"No buts you said no, and he didn't stop, that's rape Amanda." Olivia sits down on the couch next to her. "I know you feel guilty and ashamed, but it was not your fault. Amanda look at me." Rollins does, looking into brown eyes that hold determination in them and she realizes that Olivia will do anything to make her believe what happened with Patton is not her fault. "6 years ago I went undercover in a women's prison. Everyone told me it was a bad idea, that they couldn't protect me, that I would be completely powerless, but I was convinced that I had to do it. So, I went in as an inmate and it was awful and from day one this one male guard harassed me. There was some kind of outbreak at the prison and Fin and I were separated, and I let my guard down. The other inmates and I wanted to know what was going on and there was some kind of riot. I was signaled out as starting it and Captain Lowell Harris handcuffed and told me he told me I was down to the hole." Olivia's voice becomes choked as she says his name. "Except he didn't take me to the hole, he took me down into the basement and I saw a dirty mattress on the floor and I knew what he would do. So, I fought him and ran and hid, but found me, handcuffed me to the door, told me if I bit him I was dead. I was just about to give up Amanda, I knew he would rape me and kill me. Fin stopped him, right as he was about to force himself in my mouth. Is what happened to me my fault?"

"Of course not." Amanda says without even hesitating.

The two women look at each other. Really look at each other for the first time and it's like a realization comes over both of them at the same time. That maybe they have more in common than they think. These two women can be friends rather than adversaries. They move towards each other. Finding comfort, they both needed and have been craving for some time. Amanda lays her head down on Olivia's shoulder feeling her heartbeat and finding comfort in the steady rhythm, her arms wounding around Olivia's waist clutching it tightly with her hands. The brunette has her arms around the blonde holding her in place. For a while, they sit and cry together, letting out emotions that have been held in for so long. Frannie settles next to them on the floor falling back to sleep. Eventually, Liv feels Amanda start to sag and her breathing even out, falling asleep wrapped in her boss's arms. The brunette strokes her sleeping detective's blonde hair, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. She tries to extract herself from the blonde's grip, but the arms around her waist only tighten. So, instead she maneuvers them, so they are laying down on the couch, picking up the blanket Amanda discarded earlier and wrapping them both in it. She watches Amanda sleep for a little longer before falling asleep herself.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Next update, mentions Lewis. I hope to have chapter 4 up by this weekend.**

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Amanda Wakes up the next morning still wrapped in her sergeant's arms. Her head burrowed into the center of Olivia's chest, laying on top of her. Her hand had made its way under the brunette's shirt at some point throughout the night. It's now resting on Olivia's warm skin. The blonde's first instinct is to get up and remove herself from the older woman's embrace. Hoping she can extract herself before Olivia wakes up. As she pulls away though, something stops her. She looks up to find Olivia's dark eyes staring at her. One of her hands coming up to brush Amanda's bangs out of her face, before falling to cup her cheek. She rubs her thumb across Amanda's pale cheek, and the bruise that resides there from the blow from Murphy's gun. They stare in each other's eyes before Frannie makes her presence known whining, letting both women know she is ready to go out. The woman awkwardly extract themselves from each other. Amanda gets up and gets dressed as fast as leaving with a quiet thank you and goodbye utter towards Olivia.

It's safe to say the next few days at work are awkward for the two women. Both having shared intimate details about their lives, things that no one else knows about them. They get through the next few weeks. Not mentioning the night they spent together. Everything changes though when Liv gets a video call that William Lewis had broken out of prison. Amanda feels so deeply for Olivia. She might even love her and she hates to see her hurt. It is when Lewis calls her though, taunting her telling her she found Olivia once and that she won't this time the blonde breaks. Amanda needs to find Lewis, she needs to find him before he gets to Olivia again. The younger woman is determined to not let Lewis hurt her any more than he already has. What she hadn't crossed her mind though was Olivia going to Lewis. Her heart breaks for the older woman, hearing her being forced to play Russian Roulette over the radio. Her heart stops when they hear the gunshot. She rushes into the room with the rest of the squad and sees Olivia tied to a table, blood all over face. The little girl Amelia tied with her hands in the air. Amanda rushes over to untie Olivia from the table, noticing her blank expression, like she is looking around, but not seeing anything. The blonde climbs into the back of the car with the older woman, Olivia who is still not talking. All the brunette does is reach out for her hand gripping it. They sit in the hospital and Olivia speaks "how's Amelia, he didn't?

"No, she was bait, he didn't touch her."

"Bait for me, and I took" Olivia falls silent again looking off into space. They finish up at the hospital, Murphy delaying IAB.

It's late at night, Olivia having kicked Fin and Nick out of her apartment. They had been fussing over her, wanting to stay, but Olivia wants Amanda. She doesn't know why, but she only wants her. The brunette just can't seem to stop reliving what happened today in her head and before she even realizes, she is calling the detective.

"Oliva, Liv, you okay?", Amanda says to Olivia who is not responding "Liv. you're starting to worry me."

"Amanda I, I need you please come over, I don't want to be alone."

"Give me 20 minutes Liv, do you want me to stay on the phone with you until I get there?"

"Please," the brunette says, "just talk."

Amanda spends the next 15 minutes, while she drives over, telling Olivia all about Frannie's recent misbehavior, doing the best to distract her from the trauma she endured. Olivia hears a knock on the door and pulls it open, collapsing into Amanda's arms, crying softly. This whole situation is confusing for the brunette. Not that long ago she was telling the blonde, she didn't trust her and now she's the only person she wants in her most vulnerable moment.

"Sorry for calling you so late Amanda, I told Nick and Fin I would be fine by myself, but I was lying to them. I didn't want them to stay with me, I wanted you."

"I'm happy you called me Liv and you don't have to justify it. If you need me, I'll always be there." They move to sit on Olivia's couch. "Liv, I am so happy that you're safe, but never do anything like this again. I've never been that scared Olivia. I, I care about you Liv, I never want to see you hurt." The blonde's voice is thick with tears.

"I'm sorry Manda, I knew it was dumb, but I had to save that little girl." Olivia looks nervous, like she is not sure if she should say what's on her minds. She takes a deep breath before looking at Amanda. "I kind of had another reason for calling you tonight. Would you hold me, please? I need you and I can't explain it and I thought Lewis was going to kill me and the only thing I could think of was you. I didn't want to die without seeing you again. That I would die without telling you I have feelings for you."

Amanda doesn't respond, just leans over and wraps her arms around Olivia's shoulders, pulling her into her chest. Pressing a soft kiss into Olivia's hair. The brunette pops her head up and presses her lips against the blonde's. Tasting her sweet lips for the first time. The blonde kisses back on instinct for a moment, before pulling away. "I can't Liv. I like you a lot, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. You're upset, and I don't want to do anything you're going to regret in the morning.

Brown eyes meet blue "I could never regret you."

Olivia stands up, leading the blonde into her bedroom, where they both lay down. The blonde behind her, spooning her. "We'll figure this out Amanda. It's going to take me awhile, but I want to be with you. I'm not going to let Lewis take that."

"We're not going to let Lewis take that. I'll give you all the time you need Liv. I've waited 3 years, I can wait a little longer."


	4. Chapter 4

**Not my best chapter, I really struggled with writing it. The good stuff is coming though. I have big plans for the next couple of chapters. Hope to have the next one up by next week. Please review if you liked it or if you think there's anything I can do better.**

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Amanda Rollins wakes up in Olivia's arms for a second time, though this time different from the first. They had changed positions during the night and the blond finds herself with her face buried in the neck of the brunette her leg thrown over Olivia's. She pops her head up to look at Liv seeing if she's awake. "Good morning Manda" Olivia says looking over at the blonde and mustering a smile. Amanda can tell she had been miles away moments before thinking about Lewis and what had happened the day before.

"Good morning Liv" Her voice thick with sleep, and her southern accent stronger. The blonde moves her face closer, wanting to kiss the brunette, but worried about being the one to make the first move. She knows she has to be careful with Olivia and she is terrified about triggering her. The trauma with Lewis having resurfaced, it's all so fresh again. So, she waits for the older woman to complete the kiss and she does. Leaning in pressing a brief but deep kiss on to Amanda's lips. She pulls back and smiles at the detective. Her face clouds over, like she's remembering everything that has happened, everything with Lewis. The confession she made on television, and all the repercussions that might have "I have to get up and get ready for my meeting with IAB." Olivia's muscles tense, her posture is uncomfortable, and she is doing her best to extract herself from Amanda's arms, trying to bolt.

"It's all gonna be okay, baby. Everyone knows Lewis shot himself. Go in there and tell the truth. This will all be over soon." She says, not wanting to grab Olivia's arm to hold her in place, figuring that would not be the best thing to do.

"I hope so, but you know how Tucker and IAB are. They're gonna do their best to pin this on me and what I confessed to doing to Lewis on TV." Olivia gets upset, her eyes watering, she's doing her best not to cry.

"Liv, do me a favor. Don't go in there without a lawyer or representative. Please. It'll make me feel better and it'll be better for you. Who knows what Tucker will do." Amanda says reaching up to cup her cheek, wiping a tear that has fallen.

"Call me when you're done please." Amanda says on her way out the door. Olivia had walked out into the living room where she had been waiting

"I will." Olivia says grabbing the blonde's hand and giving it a squeeze, leaning into peck her on the lips to say goodbye.

Amanda walks out the door. As soon as she's on the street, she picks up her phone to call Rita Calhoun and asks her to represent Olivia. She agrees to in a heartbeat and Amanda hopes Olivia won't be too mad at her when she finds out.

Olivia does her interview with IAB that is until Calhoun comes in and demands they end it, stopping her and getting her to walk out of the room. The brunette is talking to Rita outside about the case when she sees Amanda. Her emotions towards the blonde are mixed. As she walks up to her, she can't help but be a little pissed off at her, but she knows Amanda is just trying to protect her. While the protection isn't needed, it's nice to have someone take such good care of her.

"I'm sorry Olivia and I know you said you didn't want a lawyer. But I didn't think it would be good for you to go in there and I'm just worried about you and what would happen today. I know I shouldn't have called Rita without asking you and..."

"Amanda," Olivia says cutting off her rambling apology. "I'm not mad at you." Reaching up a hand to cup her cheek, trying to be discreet not knowing who is watching them. "Thank you, Amanda. This whole thing is more serious than I thought. Thank you for looking out for me."

"Why what happened? What did they say in there?" Amanda is worried. She called Rita because she wanted to be safe, not thinking Olivia would have to worry about getting in trouble.

"Rita doesn't think this is as open and shut as we do." Liv is tense, her posture is rigid, and the blonde knows she needs to get her out of here.

"Let's go back to my apartment, relax." Amanda says, reaching up to rest her hand on Olivia's shoulder. "Are you hungry? Have you eaten today?"

"No, I'm not hungry, I haven't been hungry."

"You have to eat. I'm taking you back to my apartment and then we're going to order something. We're gonna watch some funny movies and I will do my best to keep your mind off of everything is going on. No matter what happens Liv, I'm on your side. Baby, I will always be on your side." The two women walk off, Amanda reaching her hand down to grab Olivia's intertwining their fingers as they walk towards Amanda's truck to drive to the blonde's apartment. Where Amanda is successful in getting Olivia to eat some Chinese food and they spend the time learning more about each other. Amanda is trying her best to get Olivia to laugh, and she few times she does. Her laughter is like music to her ears, she loves that sound.

With Amanda, Olivia can let go and she can forget. She hasn't felt like this for someone since maybe Alex Cabot, but that relationship was never meant to go anywhere. She knows though, this relationship can. It's only been a day, but Amanda lights a fire in her she assumed would forever be dormant. The older woman had given up on thoughts a happily ever after, a life with a person she loves and a few kids, but now she can see it again. She wants all of it with the blonde sitting beside her.

The next few days are stressful. Olivia has another interview with IAB does not go her way. Tucker is convinced she shot Lewis. Even worse Melinda can't confirm beyond a reasonable doubt that Lewis committed suicide. Amanda has her own interview with IAB and she knows she can't lie to protect Olivia as much as she wants to. All it will do is hurt her in the long run, it'll be even worse if it somehow comes out that they're dating. It is killing her that she can't do more for Liv. It isn't fair that Olivia has to go through all this. She's the victim not Lewis.

Later that night, both women are in Olivia's apartment discussing the case and Amanda is trying to convince Olivia to admit to justifiable homicide, something the brunette is not happy about. It's what IAB is asking her to do and for once the detective agrees with them. "I'm not admitting to something I didn't do. Lewis shot himself. What you don't believe me either?" Olivia yells at her girlfriend. Her anger isn't justified, Amanda believes her, she doesn't have a reason to doubt that.

"I believe you. I want this all to be over. They could bring this to trial and I don't want you to have to go through that. Olivia, I know you're not lying, but if IAB thinks you are maybe it's just best go with that story. This can all be over right now" Amanda replies not allowing herself to rise to Olivia's volume. Reinforcing that she does not doubt her story. She understands the brunette's anger, but she is trying her best to protect her. Amanda feels like she already failed her twice. The detective let Lewis get to her twice and she will not let him ruin Olivia's life. Not if she can help it. She won't fail to protect her again. "Olivia it's your choice. Go with your instincts. I'll support you, whatever decision you make Let's not fight anymore, okay." Amanda walks over putting her forehead against Liv's, grabbing her face and leaning in to peck her, knowing Olivia isn't ready for more than that right now. But having learned that the older woman is okay with brief kisses like that one. "I'm just so scared for you." The detective says her voice thick with emotion. Her southern accent becoming more prominent.

"I'm gonna be okay. I told the truth and I don't care if they believe me. Lying didn't work for me last time and I'm not going to do it again. I need you to trust me on this."

"I do Liv."

Olivia goes to IAB the next day and refuses to admit to justifiable homicide and for a few hours the squad thinks it's all over. Until Murphy shows up and tells them they are pursuing charges against Olivia and Olivia will have to go before the grand jury. Fin and Amaro clear out of Oliva's apartment after hearing the news, the sergeant telling them she would like to be alone. Amanda lingers thought waiting for the guys to leave, hoping Olivia doesn't want her to leave to. As soon as she closes the door behind the two men, Olivia walks right over to Amanda and collapses into her, crying. Amanda doesn't know what to say. She's never seen the brunette this upset. This is the worst outcome. Amanda does her best to calm her. The detective whispers words of comfort into her ear as they slide to the floor. Amanda pulls her into her lap and rocks Olivia back and forth. She knows the older woman was trying her best to be so strong this entire time and maybe it's good she is getting this all out. So, the younger woman lets her cry, shedding a few tears herself. This goes on for 20 minutes, a half an hour before renews her attempts to calm the sergeant's tears. Olivia was crying so hard, she was having trouble breathing, gasping and gagging. "Liv, honey, you gotta calm down. You're gonna make yourself sick. I know this sucks. It fucking sucks, but you need to keep yourself calm. C'mon baby let's relax, breathe with me, baby." Amanda guides her through a breathing exercise and her breathing evens out, her head coming to rest against Amanda's black blouse. Olivia had cried herself into a state of exhaustion. "Let's go to bed Olivia, it's late and we can't sleep on the floor. Why don't you go get ready to bed? I'm going to call my neighbor and ask her to walk Frannie and I'll meet you there."

Olivia still hasn't said anything, but she stands and then helps the blonde to her feet. Pulling her into one last hug before leaning into kiss her girlfriend, leaving a lingering kiss on her lips. "Just come to bed soon. I sleep better when you lay with me."

"I'll be right in, just give me 10 minutes."

A few days later, the grand jury convenes, and Amanda is a nervous wreck. She is doing her best to keep Olivia distracted from everything that is going on, but that's easier said than done. They're at a restaurant with the squad waiting to hear how Warner's testimony went. These are the hardest moments Amanda. When they are around everyone and she has to keep her distance from the older woman. Not being able to hug and kiss her, hold her hand is difficult for her. It's only been a few weeks since all this started, since her first honest conversation with Olivia, but she's falling hard for her. She cares so deeply for this woman and it's killing her to see her going through all this. Amanda wants to kill the ADA who is putting Olivia through this, but her anger will not help the situation. Fin comes in and tells them that Warner's testimony didn't go the way they wanted it to and she deflates. It keeps getting worse and worse.

The days go by and the testimonies continue. Olivia does her best to be brave in public, but most night have seen a lot tears in the younger woman's arms. Amelia testifies, and she hates that the little girl has to do this after everything she's been through. That her coerced, televised confession will now be used during the trial doesn't make the situation any better. She knows beating Lewis was wrong, she snapped, couldn't help herself. He had her for 4 days, did awful things to her. When she could get the upper hand, her hatred for him took over, Olivia wanted him to be in as much pain she was in.

Her saving grace comes through Murphy, who lies for her. He tells everyone he was the one who told Olivia to make that confession, and they drop the charges. The relief that both women feel cannot be described in words. A weight has been lifted off their shoulders and now maybe they can focus on each other.

Olivia ends up at the morgue wanting to see Lewis's body one last time. Get that image into her mind that Lewis is dead, he's not coming back this time. As she exits the room, she spots her girlfriend, waiting for her. Somehow knowing this is where the brunette would end up. "Ready to go home?" Amanda says resting her hand on Olivia's lower back, guiding her out of the room. When they get back to Amanda's apartment that night, they sit and hug each other, relishing in the closeness, finding they need to be as close as possible. Helping to reassure each other it's over, it's finally over. Olivia is ready to put all this behind her. Wanting to focus on exploring this new relationship, the future she wants with her. She sees it all a wedding, a couple of kids, the house with a yard. A couple of months ago her fate looked so bleak to her, she was struggling so much, and she knows this will not be an easy road. But, Olivia knows she can do it with Amanda by her side. Before all that happens, she'd like to take the blonde on a real date and start their relationship.


	5. Chapter 5

**Just some first date fluff. With the next chapter, the rating is probably going to be pumped up to M.**

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Olivia pulls herself out of Amanda's arms and stands up and looks at the blonde. "Go out on a date with me?" It seems silly to her to ask out someone she's been sharing a bed with every night for the past couple of weeks. But those weeks were filled with distraction. With the threat of potential jail time and William Lewis hanging over their heads and Olivia is ready to put that all behind her. To let herself be happy. The blonde stands up too and takes Olivia's hands.

Amanda smiles, her blue eyes lighting up "Of course, I'll go out on a date with you Liv. I'd love nothing more." The detective loves how nervous Liv was when asking her out as if she would have said anything but yes.

"All right. Tomorrow night. I'm taking you to dinner. I'll pick you up at 7:30."

Amanda looks away, her smile fades away. "Are you not staying the night tonight? I mean I'd understand if you wanted to go home and be in your own apartment, but I've just gotten used to you being here."

"I'll stay tonight if you want me to" Olivia says a smile on her face. She loves how sheepish Amanda had gotten over practically begging her to stay over. "But I'm going to go home tomorrow so we can get together in separate places. I want to pick you up and take you out." Amanda leans in and kisses her wrapping her arms around her neck, while Olivia's hands fall to her hips.

She pulls away and says "I'd like that. So, where are you taking me?"

"You'll have to wait to find out, baby. Now, how about we order dinner and watch a movie? I feel like I can relax, knowing this is all over." So that's what the two women did, ordering a pizza and deciding on a silly comedy movie they wanted to see before they went to bed.

Amanda has to go to work the next morning, and she struggles to pull herself away from the sergeant. And she wants nothing more than to stay in bed with her all day, wrapped in her arms. She also knows the sooner she gets to work the sooner she can come and get ready for her date with Olivia. Something she still hasn't wrapped her head around is happening. Part of her is scared that Oliva is using her for comfort during her traumatizing ordeal. That she would come to her senses and decide that she didn't want her. Because why would someone as amazing as Liv want someone as fucked up as she is? As the day goes on Amanda doubts herself more. Letting her insecurities get the best of her once again.

Olivia wakes up to an empty bed, reaching for Amanda and only finding cold sheets. Before remembering the blonde is at work today. She gets up walks and feeds Frannie before going back to her apartment to make sure everything is perfect for her date with Amanda. The brunette wants it to be as perfect as possible. She wants to show the detective how much she means to her and how thankful she is for everything Amanda has done for her. How well Amanda took care of her. Olivia is nervous. In fact, she has never been this nervous for a date before tonight.

The two women text throughout the day. Just mindless small talk. Liv can't help but think that something is bothering Amanda, but not wanting to talk about it while the blonde is working.

Olivia decided to take Amanda to a small Italian restaurant called Erminia known for its romantic, cozy atmosphere. The brunette got dressed in a red dress that showed off her cleavage and legs; she pairs it with a pair of heels. She keeps her make up minimal because Amanda confessed to her that she loved with Liv didn't wear any makeup. On her way to pick up the blonde, she stops and picks up a bouquet of wildflowers in an assortment of rich colors. Not wanting to do the cliché thing a buy a bunch of roses. She knocks on Amanda's door, flowers clutched in her hand. Amanda opens the door in a little black dress that takes Olivia's breath way. "Wow, Manda you look wow, amazing." Liv manages to get out. The beauty of the woman standing in front of her takes away her ability to speak for a moment. The detective's pale cheeks flush red at the compliment, never having anyone have that kind of reaction towards her. "I got these for you" she says while holding out the flowers she bought for the blonde.

"You're beautiful to Olivia and I love the flowers. Come in, I need a minute to finish getting ready." Olivia walks into the apartment, grabbing Amanda's arm and kissing her, catching the blonde off guard, but kissing her back right away. Having to get up on her tiptoes since her shoes weren't on yet and Liv was in heels.

"Sorry, I just had to do that." Amanda walks into her kitchen and grabs a vase from under sink, filling it with water to put the flowers in, while Olivia says hi to Frannie.

"Trust me Liv. I will never be mad you for kissing me like that." She puts on her shoes and they leave the apartment. Liv places her hand on the blonde's back guiding her down the steps and out the building. She opens the car door for her, helping her in. They drive to the restaurant while telling each other about their respective days. Olivia is eager to get back to work on Monday, so she wants to know what's going on at the precinct. They arrive at the restaurant and before they can get out of the car Amanda grabs the blonde's hand "hey, no more work talk okay. I get that it's killing you not being at work, but let's focus on us okay."

"I'm sorry Manda." The two women exit the car and enter the restaurant. They both order a glass of wine red for Liv and white for Amanda. "So, tell me something about herself." Both women let out an awkward chuckle. Both feeling a little nervous and awkward.

"Really Liv? That's your best line."

"Sorry, I'm kind of nervous." Amanda reaches over the table taking a hold of Olivia's hand.

"It's just me Olivia. You don't have to be nervous. God, we have pretty much been living together for weeks, but we go on a date and we forget how to talk to each other."

"Yeah it's just you Amanda. The most amazing woman I've ever met. Alight tell me about Georgia." They both relax over the course of their meal. They talk about their childhoods, and other topics, learning new things about each other. Olivia insists on paying for their meal since she's the one who asked the blonde to dinner. They leave the restaurant holding hands deciding to take a walk-through Central Park before going home. Wanting to prolong their date.

They walk through the park. Amanda wrapping her arm around Liv's waist while her arm goes around the blonde's shoulders. "You are beautiful Olivia. I've thought that since before I even met you."

"Yeah, I kind of got that based on how you introduced yourself."

The blonde bushes taking her free hand and covering her face "That was so embarrassing. I kind of had a crush on you based on what I read about you. I wanted to meet you and I wanted to impress you. And I ended up coming off a little too strong."

"Amanda it wasn't as bad as your remembering. I was a little cold towards you but trust me I was interested right away and I'm sorry for how I treated you Amanda. There was so much going on and I pushed you away because I was interested in you and I wasn't ready for that all."

"I get it Olivia neither was I." Amanda says right before she yawns.

"C'mon, baby, I think it's time I got you home." They make the trek back to Liv's car; the brunette once gain opening the door and helping Amanda in. The drive back to her place is much more relaxed than the drive to the restaurant. They hold hands over the center console. Arriving back at the younger woman's place, Olivia gets out to walk the blonde to her door. When they get there Amanda pulls Olivia into a deep kiss, working her tongue into the brunette's mouth pushing up against her still closed apartment door. Hands finding their way into dark locks while Liv's fall close to the blonde's ass. They pull away from each other with Liv gasps out they should move this inside. They do just that making their way to the couching, the brunette falling on top of the blonde. Moving her mouth from the blonde's lips to her neck. Hearing the blonde moan when she reaches a sensitive spot on her neck. Before moving back up to the blonde's lips. Olivia then slows them down knowing she's not ready to have sex with anyone yet, but tonight's events show she is not that far off from it. Part of her hasn't worked up her courage to show the other woman her scars. Scared of how she will react. She pulls away from Amanda and looks into blue eyes that are a shade darker than they usually are. She sits up, straddling her hips. "I'm sorry Amanda, but I'm not ready to go any farther than this tonight."

"Never apologize for that Liv. I understand. You don't have to explain yourself." She pulls Liv back down on top of her. Holding her close. "Let's just do this for a while." They spend the rest of the night cuddling on Amanda's couch. Finger's playing with hair, reveling in the closeness.

"There's nothing I love more than holding you close like this Manda."


End file.
